If I Forget - Old Version
by VintageNicky
Summary: When something is too painful...too overwelming...we deny it. If it didnt happen, it cant hurt us. Right? But how can she ever get over the death of her family? - Full summary inside. Hermione and Sirius.
1. Blurb!

**Ok, my original idea for this story was a little bit different, but not a huge amount. The original was called 'Wasted', because thats the song that inspired the story. Its now called 'If I Forget...' also slightly inspired by a song, but more by my ideas this time:) I hadnt written that much for 'Wasted', and I couldnt write any more for it. But by changing it just a little bit I have a few ideas sorted, and a lot of bits written down. They're not in any order, but Ill get there :)**

**Anyway, this is the new blurb. I hope you like it, you might not, let me know either way :)**

**VN x**

When something is too painful...too overwelming...we deny it. If it didnt happen, it cant hurt us. Right?

At 21, Hermione Granger has been through more than enough pain in her short life. She has survived Dementors. She was tortured by Death Eaters and actually fought Voldemort himself.

But nothing could ever hurt her as much as this.

How can she ever get over the death of her family?

It should have been her. She had been the one that put them in danger everyday, just by fighting alongside her friends. The Death Eaters were after her. She should have died that day.

She killer her family.

Running away feels like her only option, but what about the memories? She cant run away from those. Or can she?

Now she has to fight something that has always been there for her. Her own memory.

Can she get past this final hurdle and take control of her life?

And what has the notourious Sirius Black got to do with it all?


	2. The Situation

**This first chapter is dedicated to my loevely sister Elise, Blue-Winter-Angel! Its her birthday today, and I wanted to write a one shot for her but I couldnt think of anything, then I remembered I had this to post! :D Oh the cleverness of me. Anyway, shes 17 today :) and I just wanted to give a big shout out to her. **

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIS! **

**And now onto the story. I got come of the events in the book muddled round but Ive written it now and I dont really wanna change it. Alternatively it may turn out to be part of the story, I havent worked it out yet. The muddled bit is that Hermione' last memory is from during the Triwizard Tournament, when she would know Sirius. But she doesnt know him. Im probably just gonna make this into another twist in the story...or its just muddled. Just think about it like the Triwizard Tournament happened before the events in Prisoner Of Azkaban, I did.**

**Enjoy!**

**VN x**

_May 16th 1998_

Smoke filled the small car, waking Hermione with a jolt. She panicked, trying to open the door but her fingers slipped off the handle. Holding up her hand, she couldsee the glistening red blood that was dripping slowly off her fingers.

She panicked again, trying to work out where it was coming from. It made her head spin. The logical part of her brain - and, she guessed, her survival instinct - kicked in before she passed out from the smoke. She lifted her left hand, which she noticed had started throbing rather painfully when she moved it, and pushed down on the steering wheel.

The horn sounded loudly. And again. Her head felt heavy. She tried to push it again, and keep her eyes open, but she couldnt. Her head dropped forward onto the wheel, her body slumping forward as she sunk quickly into unconciousness.

_July 16th 1994_

Sirius had just finished 'adjusting' the old house when he heard the crash. Scowl fixed firmly in place, he marched outside to confront whom ever was trying to desicrate his new home.

Half-way down the drive, he noticed a small car that had indeed knocked down most of the front wall. As he got closer,a nasty sense of unease passed over him. Something just didnt feel right. He ran the rest of the way, desperately trying to work out what the bad feeling was.

The horn sounded three times, very loudly, which was a slight comfort to Sirius. Whom ever was in the car had to be alive to press the horn three seperate times, right?

'Who is in the car?' A voice most definitely not his own whispered through his mind.

All thoughts of the wall disappeared as he made his way round to the drivers side door. Pulling on the handle, he pulled it open.

Smoke billowed out of the door, so thickly that fora moment Sirius was unable to do anything but cough. As she smoke began to clear a messy thatch of long curly brown hair became visible. It covered the steering wheel so Sirius could only assume that the person belonging to the curls had passed out. Definitely not good.

Quickly taking out his wand, he performed a spell to check that they had no serious injuries, and it was safe to move them. He reached into the car and tugged at the seatbelt. It didnt move. He tugged it again, trying not to injure the person further. Still no movement. He took out his wand again and used another spell to cut through the offending piece of fabric, which now hung limply by the side of the unconcious person.

He carefully removed the person from the car, moved a safe distance away, and gently lowered them to the floor, slowly, so he didnt cause any further damage.

The messy thatch of curls enveloped the face of the person, with blood covering most of it, dripping slowly onto the ground.

Pushing the hair gently out of the way to examine the wound, Sirius gasped as he finally understood why he had had a bad feeling getting closer to the car.

Hermione Granger, his God-son's bossy best-friend, was lying unconcious in the middle of his driveway.

_Febuary 23rd 1995_

'The second task is tomorrow.' Was all that circled though my mind as I flipped through _Weird Wizarding Dilemas_ for the third time. "Oh this is no use." I said, slamming the book shut and reaching for another. "Who wants to make their nose hairs grow into ringlets?"

"I wouldn't mind." Said Fred, appearing rom behind a bookshelf. "Be a talking point, wouldn't it?" George emerged from behind Fred,smiling and nodding his head to show that he compltely agreed with his brother, as always.

"What are you two doing here?" Asked Ron, looking slightly bemused by his brothers presence. They never usually came into the library, unless it was to cause mischief, and they really didnt need that right now.

"Looking for you." Said George. "McGonagall wants to see you Ron. And you Hermione."

I tried thinking of reasons she may need us both. Had it just been Ron, it would have been missing/copied homework related, but I had no work to be given in, and certainly no copied work.

"Why?" I asked, still unable to think of the answer myself. I didnt want to leave Harry alone, we still hadnt worked out how he would do the second task and he looked like he needed our help still.

Fred shrugged. "Dunno..." He said, flicking Ron' ear absentmindedly. "She was looking a bit grim though."

"We're supposed to take you down to her office. "Said George, trying to swipe the book that Ron had been reading, and succeding as Ron was no longer paying attention to the book. He was staring at me, almost willing me to work it out. I turned to look at Harry, Ron' eyes bulging as he followed.

Had McGonagall noticed how much we had been helping Harry, when he ought to be working out how to do the taskon his own?

"We'llmeet you back in the common room." I told Harry as I stood to leave with Ron. "Bring as many of these books as you can, ok?"

We left the library, with Harry looking rather pale as we departed. Maybe McGonagall wanted to tell us how to help him? Highly unlikely, but she had always surprised us in the past. I was still debating with myself the likelyhood of this thought, when we turned towards the large oak door that lead to McGonagalls office. We knocked once, and waited for a reply.

"Enter." McGonagalls voice echoed through the door. Ron gulped, looking a little pale himself. He pushed the door open slowly, trying to delay whatever was about to happen.

"Miss Granger, Mr Weasley. Please take a seat." The Professor spoke fuidly from behind her seat. Fred was right, she did look grim.

"Professor, we're well aware of the rules regarding the Tournament, but as Im sure you'll agree, Harry being picked while he is still young is rather an odd event, so we just thought that he might benefit from some help and we didnt mean to break the rules we just dont want to see him get hurt or..." My babble was cut short as she held up her hand and gestured for us to sit.

"Miss Granger, although you are correct, that is not why you are here." She stated, which completely threw me. Now I had no idea what was going on, and I didnt like it.

"Why are we here then?" Ron asked, his voice slightly higher than normal.

"I have no doubt that Harry has shared with you the riddle within the egg?"

"Yeah, that song thing, from the mere-people in the lake he said." Muttered Ron, still unsure what was going on.

McGonagall looked straight at me. "Do you remember the song, Miss Granger?" She asked.

"Well, yes. Are we in trouble, Professor? Should he not have told us?"

"Recite the song, Hermione." She said, looking down at the desk, staring intently at her wand.

Confused, I did as I was asked.  
"Come seek us where our voices sound,  
We cannot sing above the ground,  
And while you're searching, ponder this:  
We've taken what you'll sorely miss,  
An hour long you'll have to look,  
And to recover what we took,  
But past an hour - the prospect's black,  
Too late, it's gone, it won't come back."

I stopped just as she opened her eyes again. As she stared at me, I said something that rarely passed my lips. "I dont understand." And it was true. What did the riddle mean? And why was Professor McGonagall looking so worried?

"The second task requires extra students to be involved."

I gasped, suddenly realising what she meant. "Professor, you cant!"

Ron squeaked beside me. "What?"

"Its us Ron. The Mere-people want to take us, so Harry has to find us. We are what he'll 'sorely miss'."

"You are half right Miss Granger. Mr Potter must find Mr Weasley, but it is Mr Krum' task to find you."

"Krum?" Ron barked.

"You cant do this, what if they dont find us?" I continued, choosing to ignore the girlish side of my brain that wanted to squeal about being sorely missed by Victor Krum. "They say after an hour we wont come back. Surely Dumbledore wouldn't allow it?"

"Im sorry Miss Granger, but Professor Dumbledore insisted the task be taken seriously. I can assure you, you wont be harmed." She raised her wand and whispered a spell that I didn't recognise. I started feeling sleepy. My head felt heavy on my shoulders.

"Professor, please stop." I pleaded, but she had already turned away from us. I felt myself slip down in my chair, my head dropping to the side onto my shoulder ad I surrendered myself to sleep.

_July 16th 1994_

"Hermione, wake up."

I heard a voice whispering to me, but I didnt recognise the person. It was a male voice, that much I could tell. But it was deeper than Ron' or Harry', so it couldnt be them. It didn't sound like any of the teachers either.

"Hermione, you need to open your eyes."

I still couldnt tell who it was. And I couldnt seem to do what he was asking. I tried, I really did, but my eyes were just not wanting to obey me.

My head started to ache, and I have the strongest urge to cough. 'It must be the water from the lake.' I thought, suddenly wondering who had won the task? 'He obviously found me on time. Im still alive, aren't I?'

I opened my eyes just as my body heaved forward, and I felt as though I was coughing up a lung. My mouth was dry, my eyes were stinging and my skin felt like it was on fire. 'This cant be right.' I thought fleetingly as I leaned forward to cough again.

Strong arms wrapped around me, lifting me so my upper body rested back against something solid.

"Thats it, let it all out." The voice rumbled behind me. He starts patting my back as I cough again.

'Im not a baby!' My mind shouts. 'I can cough without assistance, thank you very much!'

I try to turn around and tell this person what I had just been thinking, but I moved too quickly. Pain shoots through my entire body. I recoil back against him, and promptly throw up all over myself.

Nice.

"Ok, we should get you inside and clean you up." He says behind me. "Can you walk?" He slides out from ehind me, and tries to slowly pull me up to stand in front of him. My legs feel like jelly, and with a whimper I fell back to the ground. "I'll take that as a no."

My head feels funny again. I turn to look at him as he wraps my arms around his neck, but my eyes are behaving badly again, and they drop shut before I can see who it is. He lifts me bridal style and starts walking. My head fallsagainst his shoulder, and my eyes open again. I look behind us, expecting to see the lake or at least Hogwarts grounds.

We're walking away from a smoking car, down a long driveway, in the middle of the countryside.

'What the hell?' This has got to be some weird dream.

Pain shoots through me again as he manouvers me through a door. "Sorry." He mumbled as he kicks the door shut, jaring me again.

'I thought you couldn't feel pain in your dreams?'

He places me on a large sofa, and I sink into the comforting softness of the cushions that surround me.

I hear clattering behind me, and what sounds like a cupboard opening and closing, then more clattering coming closer. He sits in front of me, holding two small bottles. One has a shimmering red liquid inside, the other is a dull green. He takes the lids off both and hands me the green one first.

"Here, this will help." I hold out a shaking hand to take it from him, and sniff the contents. It smells foul, and I try to push it away but he givesit back. "Hermione, trust me, you'll be thanking me later. Just drink it."

I take it back reluctantly and swallow the contents quickly. Im still recovering from the taste when he hands me the red one. I dont hesitate, the warm red liquid passing my lips quickly. He takes both bottles off me and stands up, leaving the room. My head stops aching, so does my chest and the rest of my body. I sit up slowly, pushing my hair back frommy face. I stop suddenly, feeling something wet over my forehead. I pull my hand away, looking at the lood on my fingertips.

Just then, the man enters again with a bowl of water, a pack of cotton balls and a wad of bandages. Im still staring at my hand, transfixed by the coating of blood.

He wipes my hand clean then moves to lift my head, his hand gentle under my chin, as he tilts my head to examine the wound.

Im looking straight at him, not wanting to believe what Im seeing. Sure, I've seen the pictures enough around Diagon Alley, but somehow he looked different.

There was no mistaking who he was. Sirius Black. Notorious mass murderer, escapee from Azkaban. Lily and James Potter' killer.

A scream passes my lips and I jump away from him. "Get away from me!" I shouted, looking around for my wand which I usually kept with me at all times.

"Calm down, I need to check that cut." He reaches for me but I slap his hand away and climb over the back of the sofa.

"Stay away from me." My voice sounds stronger than Im feeling right now. I step back as he moves towards me. "Stay back!" He doesnt stop. I look around for something, anything to protect me, but there's nothing.

"Hermione, sit down. I need to clean that cut."

"How the hell do you know my name?" I step back again,bumping straight into the wall.

He stops and stares at me, his face creasing in confusion. "I think knock on your head is causing a bit of a problem 'Mione. You know me. Sirius, Harry' Godfather. Remember?"

I stare at him blankly, not really listening as I look out of the corner of my eye at the door. 'If I run, could I get out before he gets to me?'

"Just let me clean that cut and then we'll floo Dumbledore. He'll know whats wrong."

He steps towards me again but I jump away from him, running as quick as I can towards the door. I pull it open, and run back out onto the drive.

"Hermione, stop." He's shouting after me, but I dont, why would I?

"Leave me alone!" I shout back, still running towards the large black gates. As I approach them, they slam shut. I try to climb up them to get over and I scream as he wraps his arms around my waist, pulling my back down.

He whispers something thats sounds familiar, and I feel myself falling quickly into unconciousness.

**=D CLIFFIE! **

**Honestly I just didnt know what else to write, so there you go! First chapter! Hopefully Im gonna have the next one up soon, Ive written half of it, it just needs finishing and typing up.**

**Reviews are love! **

**Also, be kind and add a little HAPPY BIRTHDAY message for my sister, either in my reviews or directly in her inbox! BLUE-WINTER-ANGEL! Dont forget =D**

**VN x**


	3. Forget It All

**Next chapter! Just remember, the third and fourth books are switched, so the Triwizard Tournament happens in the third year and finding out about Sirius is the fourth year. Ok?**

**Enjoy!**

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Waking up, I look around me, expecting to be back inside the house. I was met with the familiar surroundings of Dumbledores office, with Fawks looking down at me from her post.

It was just a dream.

I sat up slowly, noticing the dull ache in my head and looking for Dumbledore himself. The room was quiet. Except for Fawks and myself, there was no one else present. It seemed off that I would have been brought back here after the task, would it not have been better for me to go back to the dorm?, or the hospital wing if something had gone wrong?

Or maybe something was wrong with Harry, or Ron. Had they not made it back on time?

I started to panic, wanting to find out sooner rather than later if something had gone wrong.

I started making my way across the room to the staircase. I was aout to give the password when I noticed something not quite right. I walked over to the miror I had seen out of the corner of my eye.

The mirror itself was indeed new, I had never seen it in the office before, but it wasn't the mirror that had caught my attention. It was the reflection.

The girl in the mirror wasn't me, or so it seemed at first glance. As I looked closer, I noticed the similarities between myself and the reflection; the same brown eyes, skintone and the small star shaped birthmark below my left ear that no one ever noticed. But eyond that, there were so many differences too. The scar below my left eye, that wasnt mine. And the one on my lip, that had never been there before.

I was still examining the face in the mirror, convinced there had to be a spell placed on it, when Dumbledore entered with Professor McGonagall, who looked rather flustered. I was still mad at her for going along wih the stupid task, but efore I had the chance to voice my rage, McGonagall rushed forward and grabbed my arm, looking intenting at me the whole time. "Good lord Albus, he was telling the truth."

"Who was?" I asked, but my question was left unanswered.

"How could this happen? She was just downstairs, I saw her with my own eyes. And she looks older." McGonagall continued.

I looked back at the mirror. 'Hmm, I do look a little older. But that reflection, it couldnt be me.'

"Yes, it is." Dumbledore spoke, looking towards me. "Hermione, many of the things you seearound you are charmed. That mirror, however, it not. That is your reflection."

I lookec back at the mirror, the confusion clear on my face. "Professor, whats going on?"

"I believe the answer may lie in your pocket, Hermione."

I glanced down and saw a small bump in my jacket pocket. I put my hadn inside and took out what appeared to be a short chain necklace, with a small loop swinging loosely as I held the necklace in my fingers. I looked up at the headmaster, still not understanding what he meant.

"And the rest." Was all he said.

I felt inside my pocket again. Out came two silver cone shaped pieces, and another smaller loop. My hand felt strange too, gritty. I felt again. Yes, it definitely felt like sand.

"What you hold in your hand, is the Time Turner youwere given at the start of your fourth year."

"Proffesor, you must have me mistaked with someone only in my third year." I say without hesitation, looking curiously at the broken pieces in my hand. I had read aout Time Turners, and knew that you had to be very careful when using them. This definitely couldnt be mine, I would have taken far more care not to break it.

"I can assure you Hermione, it had been a while since you were a student here. It is a very strange turn of events that brought you here, very strange indeed." He walked slowly across the room and sat behind his desk, gesturing for me to sit in one of the vacant chairs infront of him. McGonagall followed and sat neaxt to me. I wanted to sat something about her involvement in the task but the look on Dumbledores face told me there were more important things right now. "Tell me Hermione, what is you lest memory before you woke here."

I tried to concentrate, but all I could think about was the strange dream. But what if it hadnt been a dream?

I closed my eyes, like I always did when remembering things, emerging myself in the fuzzy memory trying to make sense of it all.

_I saw a big white house, with paint crumbling off the walls and windows thick with dirt. The garden looked overgrown, and there were weeds growing around the edges near the wall. I turned and looked at another part of the wall, or where the wall should have been. In its place was a small red car, looking pretty beaten up with smoke billowing out from under the bonnet._

_'Hermione, stop!'_

I turned around just in time to see myself running out of the foor, someone following close behind.

I gasped and opened my eyes wide, grabbing hold off the desk to steady myself. "Sirius Black!" I tried to calm my breathing, noticed the very audible quiver in my voice. "It was after the second task. I woke up and I wasnt here, I was outside thsi house I had never seen before, and he was there. He kidnapped me!"

As I spoke, I heard the statue move at the entrance to the office. I turned, curious to see who it was, my eyes widening as he walked in the room.

"What is he doing here? Professor' I..."

"He brought you here Hermione, after your accident." Mcgonagall finally spoke, flicking her wand to bring another chair closer.

"But..." I stopped, not knowing what else to say, it was all too confusing. 'What accident?' "Why would he bring me here?" I tried again. "And why would he stay?" O glared at the reven haired wizard who hadtaken the seat close to me.

"Sirius is brave, clever, and energetic. Such men are not usually content to sit at home while they believ other to be in danger."

"He's the reason I was in danger!" I was practically screaming now. There was an escaped convict sitting next to me, and yet no one seemed to care.

"The situation has been explained to me and I believe there are bigger issues at hand." Mcgonagall spoke again.

"Yes, there are." Dumbledore agreed, taking hold of the broken necklace I had placed on the desk. "Terrible things hapen to those who meddle with time, Hermione. Terrible things. I dont know the extent of it, but I believe your Time Turner breaking was somehow the cause of your accident."

"It wasnt broken when I took it off her." Sirius inturrupted.

Dumbledore paused, looking at me curiously.

"When I took her out of the car, I took the necklace off her. It was hot, and I didnt want it to burn her skin. As soon as it was off it became colder. I didnt have anywhere to keep it, and I thought it might be important to her, so I put it in her pocket."

"This is far greater magic than we thought." Dumbledore mused, more to himself I thought. Then he looked directly at me and continued. "Time Turners hold great power, Hermione. More so than people believe, such power that we dont fully understand how they work. What we do know, is that along with the power to transport the user back or forward in time, it also holds an ancient magic, which is linked directly to the witch or wizard who holds it."

"I already know this Professor, I read about it last year. What has this got to do with me?"

"Your Time Turner not only transported you back to the present time, but curiously it seem's it has also wiped your memory. Only you will be able to understand the events that cause the time jump, and you will regain your memories in time." He must have seen the look of confusion on my face, and continued. "Hermione, you do not belong in this time."

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**I didnt want to make it a clifflie this time, but I didnt have anything else written, and felt this was the best place to end it, so I can explain everything in the next chapter. I wanted this one to be longer than this but my mind is a crazy place, I think my muse is locking up all my ideas so I cant get to them :/**

**Anyway, I have some of the next chapter written but I wont be able to post it till next week. My Mums going away for a long weekend with my sister, shes taking her laptop, and she wont be back till Tuesday. So the next post will be, at the earliest, Wednesday...I think. **

**:)**

**Hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing.**

**Reviews are love!**

**VN x**


	4. Far From Home

**I am an evil person, I can't believe I've left it this long to update. Long story short, I've had no time and no ideas for this but I think I have some now….hopefully.**

**I'll just get on with it now.**

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_"Hermione, you do not belong in this time."_

It took me a minute to fully grasp what had been said. I don't belong in this time? How ridiculous; Dumbledore must be going mad. There was no possible way that he could be telling the truth.

The pain in my head was starting to come back in full force, throbbing just by my left temple. Why wouldn't they let me simply return to my dorm to sleep? Surely I had been through enough today?

"I'm afraid you will not be returning to your dorm Miss Granger. There are, as ever, some complications that apply with any time travel. As I am sure you are aware, you cannot be seen by your younger self, it would cause irrevocable damage to the time-lines and your future may be altered, which may put you in direct danger. I'm afraid you will be unable to stay within the grounds of Hogwarts."

He actually believed all this?

"As such, it may be too much for your parents for you to return home at this point. I don't think they would take too well to an older Hermione coming home than the one they sent to school."

I hadn't even thought about returning home, but the sudden thought made my stomach lurch painfully.

"So it seems we have a dilemma. We can't send you home, and we can't keep you here, and we certainly can't send you out to fend for yourself when you are certainly not yourself."

Sirius, who had been twiddling his thumbs and starting intently at his knees throughout Dumbledore' speech, suddenly spoke up. "She can stay with me."

All eyes turned to the raven haired wizard. I wanted to say something, to argue against it, but my throat felt dry and scratchy, and the words wouldn't come.

When no one spoke, Sirius continued quickly. "It would make the most sense I think. You can keep an eye on her there Professor, and Harry won't be around for a while; he still thinks I'm in hiding, I haven't had a chance to tell him about the house yet."

Dumbledore and McGonagall actually look like they're considering this.

"No!" The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. "No, professor's please, this is all wrong."

"I don't see anything wrong with that solution, Hermione." McGonagall finally spoke up. "I can assure you that Sirius will take good care of you."

I felt anger start to bubble up within me. Normally, I wasn't a nasty person, but there was no way I was agreeing to this. I had to let my views be known in this situation. "Are we talking about the same man? The Sirius Black I know is a wanted murderer. He not only killed 12 innocent muggle', but also betrayed his best friend, my best friends parents, to Lord Voldemort. If it weren't for him, James and Lily would still be alive. You can't seriously expect me to trust him with _my_ life too?"

"I never betrayed Lily and James. I would have died before I betrayed them." There was anger in his voice, but also a deep sadness in his eyes as he looked at me. I couldn't look away. "We went through all this last year." He looked thoughtful for a moment before leaning towards me. I wanted to move away, but something inside me told me to stay exactly as I was. "I don't expect you to trust me right now Hermione. I know that there are a few things that you don't understand at the moment, but there is no other way. We need to keep you safe while we work out what has happened to you."

"Nothing has happened to me." As the words passed my lips I knew they were a lie.

This was all getting too much.

"I'm afraid there is no more time to discuss the matter; Mr Potter and Mr Weasley are on their way here now." My stomach lurched again at the mention of Ron and I willed back tears that were trying to force their way out. What the hell was wrong with me? "Miss Granger I will check on you by the end of the week, hopefully with some more news about the situation. Now, if you will excuse me. Sirius, old friend, take care." And with that he was gone.

McGonagall smiled weakly and ushered both me and Sirius to the fireplace. My whole body felt numb but I couldn't stop myself from following Sirius a he took a handful of floo powder and stepped into the grate. Hesitantly, he reached for my hand. As my fingers entwined within his I looked up to see him staring straight at me.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I registered that we were no longer in Dumbledore' office; we were now travelling past many different grates within the wizard world. I had never liked traveling by floo, andjust as I felt my head start to spin Sirius tightened his grip on my hand.

"Hermione, it's ok. Trust me."

And the strange thing was, I did.

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**Ok, very short chapter I know but it's all I could manage right now and I wanted to get the metaphorical ball rolling again :) hope you enjoyed this chapter and Im sorry Im so awful at updating! Hopefully I won't be so terrible now that I have my own laptop so I can write whenever I want :D**


	5. Dont Forget To Remember Me

**Disclaimer: If you recognise it, I don't own it.**

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When they finally arrive back at the house and stepped out of the grate, Hermione quickly dropped her hand from Sirius'. The sudden feeling of familiarity and comfort she had felt shocked her and she didn't want to think about it. Sirius led her across the living room and up 2 flights of stairs, showing her where she would be staying.

She barely heard him as she stepped into the room, noticing the grandfather clock against one wall, a beautiful canopy bed, a fairly big wardrobe, and a large bookshelf that covered most of one wall.

Sitting in the window seat, she looked out over the garden, at the car that had stopped smoking now but was still half stuck in the wall, and at the surrounding countryside that seemed to stretch on for miles around. She could see no houses nearby, or any other signs of civilisation.

_'Fantastic_,' she thought, '_I'm in the middle of nowhere, with a murderer, and no wand. Just brilliant.'_

"Hermione?" She turned back to look at Sirius, who was still stood in the doorway. He was holding something in his hand, a bag that looked slightly familiar. "This fell out of the car when I got you out." He crossed the room slowly and placed in on the bed before retreating and closing the door behind him.

Hermione waited until she heard his footsteps on the stairs fade before she walked across the room, sat on the bed and picked up the bag, slowly turning it over in her hands and examining the engravings on the front pocket.

_M.G._ Mary Granger.

She remembered when her Father had bought the bag for her Mother when Hermione was little, and Hermione was constantly storing things in the little pocket whenever they went out.

It made her chest tighten to look at the bag and think about her parents, so she quickly emptied out each of the pockets and the large middle section before hiding the bag under the bed.

The contents of the bag seemed even more confusing. There was her wand-which she never normally carried in a bag, it was usually in her pocket-and a few tissues, but there were also a few chudley cannon items scattered among the pile. Hermione had been to a few quidditch games with Harry and Ron, but she had never bought any of the merchandise they sold.

She picked up one of the items and examined it. It was a small canon that stood about an inch high. As she held it, the metal seemed to heat up. Hermione quickly dropped it, not wanting it to burn her hand, but as she did it fired a small orange ball that shot straight across the room and landed with a surprisingly loud 'bang' against the bookshelf. Hermione laughed, thinking how ridiculous it was that such a small thing could cause such a loud noise. She retrieved the ball – though it took quite a while to find, it was rather small after all – and returned it to the canon, placing it on the top of the bookshelf, where she hoped it wouldn't do any damage.

There was knock on the door. Hermione waited for Sirius to simply open it, but he was obviously waiting for her to do it, this was now her room after all. "Would you like dinner now, or would you like me to get your stuff out of your car first?" He said once she opened it.

"I, uh…" Hermione mumbled brilliantly. "My stuff? Out of my car?"

Sirius looked puzzled at first. "Yes, your stuff out of your car." He paused, then walked across the room and pointed out of the window. "That tiny little thing, that knocked down half my front wall."

"That's mine?"

"Yes that's yours, whom else would it belong to?"

"I thought it was yours."

Sirius smirked and nodded towards a small garden shed at the side of the house. "I've prefer my bike."

Behind the shed, Hermione now noticed, was a huge black motorbike that looked rather dirty and neglected. "You ride that?"

The smirk was suddenly gone, and he seemed rather hurt that Hermione thought so little of his prized possession. "Well, I haven't been able to ride it for a few years." He said simply, a slight edge to his voice as he turned and walked back out of the room. Before he descended the stairs, he looked back towards Hermione. "So, dinner or stuff?"

* * *

It took longer than they had expected to collect all of Hermione' 'stuff' from her car – for a small car it seemed to fit a lot inside – so they had a short, quiet meal before Sirius excused himself, leaving Hermione to explore the house. He told her the rooms she wasn't permitted to enter – his room, the attic, and his Mothers old greenhouse – but told her she could have unlimited access to the large library at the heart of the house. Hermione was quite happy with the arrangement, and spent an hour or so simply perusing the shelves to see what sorts of books were kept there.

When she finally returned to her room, it was nearly 11 o'clock and she was feeling rather tired. She hunted through one of the several bags of clothes that had been brought in, trying to find something to wear to bed. She found a pair of tracksuit bottoms and an oversized Chudley Cannons t-shirt that she didn't even know she had, and quickly changed into them. As she looked through the bags again to find her toothbrush, she found a bag of makeup she didn't know she owned, along with many other items that she had never worn before. When had she bought these new clothes? Why didn't she remember buying them?

She climbed into the bed, thinking she could never get to sleep with all the thoughts spinning through her head. And yet, as soon as she settled comfortably beneath the warm woollen covers, she found herself dropping into a fitful sleep.

* * *

Sirius sat silently in his room, and poured himself another glass of fire whiskey. He was looking through his old photo album that held pictures of James and Lily, and some of Remus too, although he didn't really like being in the photos and preferred to be the one taking them. There were even a few of Harry.

Most of them were magical; showing James sat on a fair ride for Harry' first Christmas, and Lily pushing him on a swing. There were a few Muggle photos mixes in, upon Lily' request, although it too Remus quite some time to learn how to use the camera.

Sirius remembered those days clearly, smiling to himself at the happy times they had shared together.

The last picture in the book was taken a week before James and Lily had been taken into hiding. They had taken Harry to the Zoo and watched as he babbled to himself as he pointed towards the animals. He got covered in ice cream, and even managed to wipe some all over Lily' face as he gave her a sloppy baby kiss.

The picture was of Lily and Harry. Harry was smiling up into the camera, his eyes shut as he laughed at James pulling faces behind Remus. Lily was looking at Harry, and apart from when she had married James, Sirius had never seen her look so happy. She places a kiss on Harry' cheek, and whispers 'Mama loves you Harry.'

Sirius can't look anymore. He shuts the book and throws it back towards his bookshelf, before downing his fire whiskey and pouring out the last dregs from the bottle and throwing that aside.

Before he can drink it, however, a piercing scream fills the house and Sirius drops the glass, running down the hall to Hermione' room.

Upon entering the room he finds Hermione still screaming, crying her eyes out and fidgeting in her sleep.

* * *

_She paused, standing motionless at the back door, waiting for her heart to stop racing. _

_The early morning sun was just starting to peek out from behind the clouds, and Hermione knew that if she didn't leave soon, Mrs Weasley would be awake to make breakfast, and then not long after that everyone else would be awake. She had to leave now._

_Who knows what she would do if she saw Hermione right now, with all her things packed into the small car that had once belonged to her father._

_A single tear made its way slowly down her face as she picked up the last of her bags from the kitchen table. She looked around slowly, trying to take it all in. The Burrow had been her home for the last 2 years, it was hard to leave but she knew she had to. There was simply no other way. _

_Taking a deep breath, she turned towards the back door once again._

_Harry came slowly down the stairs, his feet shuffling against the floor. He rubbed his eyes before they settled on Hermione; a confused expression crossed his face. "Hermione?" He looked down and noticed the bag hanging loosely around her wrist. "You're leaving?"_

_Hermione swallowed back the tears that were trying to force their way out, and turned to look at her friend over her shoulder. "I have to."_

_"Don't be silly, of course you don't." He paused, waiting for her to say something. "Come sit down, we'll talk about it." He pulled out a chair for her to sit on, but Hermione didn't budge. "I know things are hard right now, but you can't just leave. Where will you go?"_

_"I don't know yet, I just know I have to get out." Her voice trembled._

_"Please stay. " _

_Hermione didn't want to, but suddenly all the anger and hurt she had been feeling over the past few months came spilling over. She turned to face him, tears streaming down her face. "I can't, Harry. I don't want to spend my whole life waiting here for something, which is never going to happen. I can't sit here and pretend that something is going to come along and change what happened." She realised that she was shouting when she heard footsteps from above. Lowering her voice, she finished. "I'm sorry Harry. I love you, I love all of you; but I can't stay here anymore."_

_Finally she turned and stepped through the door, trying to forget the pain she felt when she saw the tears in Harry' eyes._

_"What's going on down here? Harry?" Mrs Weasley said as she entered the kitchen. She saw Harry frozen in place, staring out into the garden as Hermione got into the car, and drove quickly away._

_For one split second, as she saw the Weasley family all pour out of the door chasing after her, she almost turned around. _

_But the missing members were a clear reminder of why it would hurt too much to stay._

* * *

"Hermione?" Sirius is almost shouting, trying to be heard over her. "Hermione, wake up!"

Hermione awoke to Sirius shaking her shoulders, his worried eyes staring into hers.

"Are you ok?" He asked as she sat up, trying to clear her head and shake off the horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"I…I'm fine." She said quietly, not daring too look up, thinking he would see the lie in her eyes; she had never been good at hiding her true feelings. "What happened?"

"You were crying, and screaming, and I couldn't wake you." He still looked worried as he passed her a few tissues.

Hermione paused, took a deep breath to try and clear her head and looked up to meet his eyes. "It was just a dream."

Sirius didn't look too sure. "Dumbledore said your memories would come back slowly. Did it feel like a memory? Do you remember anything new?"

She thought for a moment. It had felt strange, like something wasn't quite right. Harry had seemed older, and like her own reflection in the mirror, Hermione had noticed that he too had scars covering his face – and not just his usual one. "I don't know. It could be but…" When she tried to think about it more, it just made her head hurt. "I don't know." She whispered.

Sirius was silent for a moment, before he put his hand gently over hers. "It's ok Hermione." He left the room briefly, returning with two small bottles labelled 'Headaches' and 'Dreamless Sleep'. "Here, these should help for now." He gave the bottles to Hermione, and left the room.

Hermione sat in silence for a moment before she felt tears start to fall steadily down her cheeks.

She had remembered something.

Ron is dead.

* * *

**There you go, another chapter :) I do apologise for my chapters being quite late recently, but hey, at least I'm actually posting stuff now. Hopefully the next one won't take as long.**


	6. Remember When

**I could waffle on about how sorry I am that this has taken so long, but you don't wanna read that, you wanna get on with reading the chapter. Let me know what you think.**

* * *

I woke frequently in the night, the events of the day and the memory of leaving the burrow running through my mind. I dreamt about a car crash I didn't remember being in; about familiar people who looked older, and sadder. I dreamt about a woman in a black dress, with crazy black hair and an evil smile, and was that my house in the background? So many questions that needed answers, so many things I was yet to understand.

I wondered for a moment if I would be noticed, if I ran out to my car to get my remaining bags and boxes. We brought most of them in before dinner, but we never got a chance to bring in the rest. There were a few bags of clothes left, even though I don't remember owning that many clothes, and some boxes with mostly books in them. Would they be too heavy for me to carry? Probably; but I could just choose a few and leave the others until the morning.

But what if there are alarms on the house, like there are at home?

Home; just thinking about it makes me long to be with my parents, and yet the thought makes me want to burst into tears, but why?

Well, I'm definitely not going back to sleep anytime soon, I might as well do something to keep myself occupied.

I climb out of bed and root around in one of the bags of clothes, finding a pair of pale blue slippers and a warm looking jumper. I slip them on, grab my wand out of habit, and quietly walk out of my room and down the stairs.

The house is dark, the light from the moon casting shadows across the floor as I cross the hallway. As I reach the door a small light appears at the top of the stairs.

"Hermione?" Sirius's voice is husky with sleep. "Its past midnight, what are you doing?"

"I couldn't sleep." I turn my head to look at him, squint to try and see him through the light. "I thought I'd get some books from the car." He says nothing, just continues staring at me as he makes his way down the stairs. "You go back to bed, I can do it."

He smirks slightly before lowering his wand and stepping towards me. "You could barely carry your bag in here; I'm guessing your books are a lot heavier than that." He reaches for the handle and opens the door, stepping out before I have the chance.

"I wasn't going to bring them all." He's not listening, or just choosing to ignore my comments. "I can manage you know, I'm not a child."

He stops and looks back at me, another smirk flits across his face. "You finally realised that?"

"Shut up."

***I*I*F***

"I have never known anyone to own so many books." Sirius grumbles as he carries a third box up to my room.

It feels odd to call it that.

"You own more books than me." I reply, carrying another small box up the stairs. I wanted to take more, but he told me I probably wouldn't be able to carry the bigger box. I told him I could. I tried, and I dropped it.

Sirius: 1. Hermione: 0.

He kicks open the door and places the box next to the others on the floor, regarding them all. "Yes, but I have a library. Also most of them aren't mine, they belonged to my parents."

"Well some of these belong to…" my parents.

My mouth goes dry. Why do I have my parent's books?

"Hermione?"

Before I can reply, images flash before my eyes and I feel myself falling as I am dragged into a lost memory.

***I*I*F***

_Hermione sits on her bed, her beaded bag beside her and her wand clutched tightly in her hand. Today she was leaving for the burrow, for Bill and Fleur's wedding. _

_And after that? She was meant to be going back to school, but she knew she wouldn't be returning to Hogwarts. That was just about the only thing she knew for certain at the moment. _

_Her life was about to get a whole lot messier, and she couldn't allow her parents to be dragged into that. She wouldn't let them get hurt. But in order to do that, she knew she needed to do something she would never normally have considered. _

_It had been Lupin's idea. He had visited her a few weeks ago at home; her parents were used to wizards coming to the house, even more so now that they were being protected by the Order. Lupin had warned Hermione that the Order would soon be needed to fight, so they may need to take Tonk's away from protecting her parents. He suggested that Hermione persuade them to leave the country to protect themselves, but even that might not be enough. _

_She would have to modify their memory. _

_At first, she had been against that plan completely. She didn't want to think about removing her parent's memories, especially memories of their life with her. It had taken many days and quite a few very long discussions before Hermione finally saw that really, it was the only way to keep them safe. She consented with two conditions; one, that she would cast the charm herself. And two, that she would create a new memory, something to get them out of the country where hopefully death eaters couldn't find them. _

_And today was the day. _

_She twirled her wand in one hand, the other running slowly over the beaded bag filled with her belongings. Her parents were downstairs, waiting to say goodbye before she headed to the burrow. Hermione was meant to cast the charm on them now, before she left, but each time she thought of leaving her stomach bunched in knots and tears threatened to fall._

_Taking a deep breath, she stood and tried to collect her thoughts, running through the plan in her head for the hundredth time, and trying to think of another way to keep her parents safe. Something moves out of the corner of her eye and she turns to look at the Daily Prophet lying at the end of her bed. She folds the paper, not wanting to look at the picture of the dark mark looming menacingly over Hogwarts, and instead focuses on the headline in the bottom left corner. _

'_Violence spreads. Muggle family murdered.'_

_This is ultimately what made her choose this plan. Her family could be next; she was absolutely sure that once the Order members protecting her family were gone, Voldemort would target her parents, because she was friends with Harry. She needed to keep them safe, and this was the only way. _

"_Hermione, teas ready darling." She hears her Mum calling up the stairs. _

"_Coming Mum." She folds the Prrophet and places it inside her beaded bag, before taking one last look around her room. A room she would most likely not be returning to._

_Downstairs she stands at the door to the living room, simply watching her parents as they talk about work and drink tea. What she would give to keep this moment forever._

_She raises her wand, taking a few quiet steps into the room._

"_Novo memoria." She whispers, closing her eyes as the spell takes effect. When she opens her eyes, she watches herself vanish from the pictures around the room, as if she never even existed. _

_She leaves the room and quickly puts on her coat and grabs her bag from the hall table where she left it. Opening the front door, she takes one last look around before leaving her home._

_She is halfway down the road before she hears it. The loud, mocking sound she knows so well; the cackling of Bellatrix LeStrange. _

"_Hey Mud blood, where do you think you're going? We want to talk to you." _

_Hermione spins, her wand tight in her hand pointing straight at Bellatrix, though there are three other death eaters she doesn't recognise stood with her. _

"_I have nothing to say to you."_

_Bellatrix laughs again, throwing her head back wildly as though Hermione just told her the best joke in the world. "I hoped you might say that. You see, I don't want you to come quietly, oh no. what fun would that be?" She smirks, pointing her wand first at Hermione, but then looking back at the house she had just left. Her eyes sparkle viciously, but there is a hint of pleasure there. "The Dark Lord chose me personally for this," She tells Hermione, her wand slowly edging towards the house. "And I'm so glad he did. I've wanted to do this for ages."_

_Hermione steps forward, her wand held so tight in her hand that her knuckles are white. "You can't do anything to them, they're too well protected. Looks like the Dark Lord with be disappointed with you once again Bella."_

_Something flashes in the crazed witches eyes, and for a second Hermione thinks Bellatrix is about to turn the wand on her. But then she twists her wrist and says loudly, "Trucido!"_

_Hermione gasps. "No!" She screams, as she watches her house collapse, the living sustaining the most damage as she knew it would. Her wand lowers as she stares at the wreckage, knowing that there is no possible way that the two people inside could have survived what just happened. _

_Before she can register what is happening around her, Hermione finds herself being pushed to her knees by two death eaters, her wand snatched out of her hand and thrown down on the floor. Bellatrix calmly drifts over to her, still chuckling as she looks at the damage she has caused, knowing the Dark Lord with be pleased with her. _

_She holds her wand under Hermione's chin and forces it up, meeting her eyes with a smile._

"_We have a message, for ickle-baby Potter. He must know by now that he will never will. The Dark Lord does not wish for any more magical blood to be spilt. You tell the brat that he has one chance to surrender to us and the Dark Lord with have mercy on the rest of you. He has until midnight on the 1__st__ September to come forward. Is this clear, mudblood?"_

_Hermione wanted to scream, or lash out at the witch in front of her, or maybe both. But she kept still and quiet, her head held high. _

"_I said," Bellatrix pushes her wand further against Hermione's neck, a thin red scratch mark appearing there. Hermione flinched but kept her face free of emotion. "Is that clear?"_

"_Yes."_

_As quick as they had appeared, Bellatrix and the three death eaters vanished. Hermione was left alone, staring at the remains of her family home. _

***I*I*F***

The memory fades, and I find myself gasping for air and clutching my chest, my heart beating so fast it feels like it might jump right out. Sirius must have caught me as I fell, because I am now sitting on the floor resting against him just like I was after the accident.

"What did you see?" He asks.

I open my mouth a few times, but no words come out. I feel a tear slowly make its way down my cheek, dropping onto my hand as I look at the boxes in front of me.

Before I can think about what I am doing, I turn slightly in his arms and bury my face against his chest, the action feeling so natural that I don't question it.

"Dead." The word falls from my mouth in a whisper as more tears escape. "Bellatrix LeStrange kil…" my throat tightens. "She killed my parents."

There is silence for a moment, and then Sirius wraps his arms around me gently.

"I'm sorry, 'Mione." He whispers. "I'm so sorry."

* * *

**The spells I used in the memory are all latin words, I didn't know the actual spells and I couldn't find them. Here are the meanings:**

**Novo – alter – www . eudict ? lang = englat & word = alter**

**Memoria – memory. – www . eudict ? lang = englat & word = memory**

**Trucido – to kill cruelly – www . eudict ? lang = lateng & word = Trucido +**


	7. AN Re-write

Its been so long since Ive looked at this story, so Ive decided it needs a good re-write. Im keeping the basic ideas of it but after looking back over reviews too I have decided to change a few little things and hope they work as I think they will :P

Keep me posted on any ideas you want to add or anything you think should happen in the story :)


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